Regrets and Love

I'm supposed to start this off with something pretty deep that'd let you think I was teary-eyed penning this but the only funny comparison, in my head, thats as close to the word 'Regret' is how hurtful it always is when what you could have said to win an intensed argument flew off. Then hours pass, they start coming back. 

I turned and fisted the dark Nigga inside the mirror. I hoped he felt the pain too. 

My knuckle bled but not as my heart. I had earlier punched a concrete wall the last time I remembered how I had let the girl I truly loved slide off my hands. At least the self inflicted pain would heal the regrets.

I had loved before but hers was different. Her lower lip looked like it peeled often but if I were an alcoholic, I'd still prefer tasting her lips over a pint. 

The night we first kissed was one I would never forget. It was in the dark. Alot happens in the dark. I ran my hand over her buttock as her lips wrapped around mine. We held hands while walking her home that night. It felt like the whole world had stood still except her. Like I was holding myself in another tender, shorter and fairer body. 

The days were passed us. We agreed to act like nothing happened and I promised myself as I did her-- that I would never bring up the past. Perhaps the past hurt her as much as it did me. I couldn't say if it worked for her but it wasn't working for me. Maybe, writing it would ease the pain.

I have compared every other love I've had after hers but none was as beautiful. I messed up. I let my peer dissuade me from holding on tight to you.

She was the most important thing that happened in my undergraduate years. I remember her smile. She knew I knew she loved me but I took her for granted. She told me what she was giving to me but I stupidly took it lightly. 

I tried getting her back but it never clicked. The love was still there I could tell but it was no longer effortless.  It's true you don't know what you have when you still have it. 

I write this to tell you I still love you so much and there's a wall standing -- waiting to punish my knuckles. I'd do that as many times. I know it's a fraction of what you had gone through. I hope you read this, however vaguely it's written. And when you read this, I hope that love you had for me rekindles. I know now what I had lost and I never wanna lose you again. Till then. Regrets and Love!