The Anonymous Thought

"Dont you ever say that to me again" He hangs up the call with a very long hiss. 

His wife sitting on a wheelchair chooses not to ask who it was he spoke with. This has been happening ever since but then she knows that her husband won't say anything about it. Sometimes, it's better not to know everything because knowing everything only makes you hunger for nothing. She's certain.

She suffers from a severe multiple scelerosis which science itself hasnt gotten a specific cause for. A research however tags Emotional stress as being partly a cause.

She wheels herself to a nearby desk to fetch another novel which is far less detailed than the one she had been reading  while totally ignoring her husband who is now sprawling over an armchair in the foyer. 

Hey. Are you good?

She nodded as she drives herself pass him.

Are you? 

She asked in a low tone Before vanishing the scene. She had however debated whether to ask that question. It was a tug of war, a half of her had analysed exactly why her husband--these days--irritatingly hangs up on most callers; therefore tells her to ignore like she had always. "You're a really strong woman. Your mind is intact. Ignore your physical disabilities plus remember that you can only be resilient when tribulation cordons you" 

The second half reminds her of an article she had read that says "When a party in a relationship is willing to let the other go, only then the relationship might work well" The nitty-gritty of a relationship is relating. This half is almost giving up on reminding her to let out everything she feels and thinks. 

She thanks goodness she didn't ask that loud. She's quite certain her husband didn't hear her. She has to forbear and be wise. She doesn't know if another man can tolerate carefully placing her on her bed and constantly reminding her how much she is loved. 

"Suicide?" Nah! She waves off that thought. She clearly can't tell if that was the Devil or God. She knows that when thoughts seem uncontrollable, the universe wants those happening. 

Suicide? She's now feasting the thought. The thought tells her that  every human actually wants to be reminded for something but are quite uncertain if what They wish to be known for is what they should actually do. 

"Do you know the gut it took suicide victims to end their lives?" 

The thought reminds her of a suicide victim she had seen in a news.  Before cuffing his hands and legs, he had filled his coat with gravels before he dove into a lake nearby. He masterfully planned his suicide leaving a note precisely indicating how he was going to get that done. 

"He must have seen paradise!" The thought continued "He couldn't wait to get there! Think about it!"

Now she's thinking about it. She knows God is so powerful and can't be questioned. He might exempt her from the damnation of hell after committing suicide. He knows how much pain she had felt. 

THE HUSBAND. 

The love the husband has for her is inconsistent though increasing. 

He sometimes remembers how his colleagues hold hands and caress the buttocks of their wives at special dinners hosted by the organization he works for. The long kiss that follows after announcing the couple who'd won the dance contest, that competing mate who runs up to the DJ and requests loudly if there could be a minute for her wife who'd perfected her belly - dancing moves, Praising her so well...

Jesus! He feels so bad now that  his wife is a cripple. He waves off that thought but for how long? The end of the year dinner is nigh. How does he escape going there this time? But then he has an award to collect. 

It's quite palpable that he sometimes neglects her and he feels she should understand. He's human too. He has a heart. He'd routinely become a storier wrapping his hands around hers most nights before she dosed off. The countless parties and get-togethers he had turned down for her sake. He feels like he needs a Humanitarian award at least. He feels like his wife should be more appreciative and should equally know when he doesn't need to be talked to and just when he does. He drowns in his thoughts. 

In the couple's extensive bedroom, she writes: 

"Dear Husband! I am truly sorry for everything I have made you go through..." she pauses and slides the stiletto few feets away from herself as the door-half swings open. 

She has seen paradise too. She blesses that anonymous thought now. 

She can't wait to step a foot on that brazen cart while the immaculate white-winged horse flies her to that glittering city. 

"Let him leave now! The gate of that seen city is closing. You gotta act fast." The generous thought had squeezed in once again. 

"Can I ask..." The weary voice of the husband slaps out the thought.

"Am I tormenting you?" The wife retorts.

"No!" he said sharply.
He however wishes he could say "yeah! Just a little. But it will slide off. I feel this way sometimes. I'm really sorry."

For few minutes, There was utter silence like a graveyard. The husband takes a stroll around where she sits and finds a dagger. He picks it up "What do you really plan to do with this? Kill yourself?"

Shut up!  He silenced the thought that says to exit the room and let her finish herself off. As the thought flees, a tender one approaches  

"remember that you can only be resilient when tribulation cordons you" he manages to dam the stream of tears about gushing out. "I really don't know what I can do without you... Don't ever think about taking your life again please" leaving the room immediately and  clinching unto the dagger, he opens up the door to the visitor's confinement. He reclines on a daybed. Another several minutes of stillness graze the atmosphere. He thinks about what could have happened if he hadn't walked in, excruciatingly sorry for her and takes the blame now for everything that'd happened though he wasn't at fault for nothing.

Back in the grand room, the generous thought which was silenced had come back with its legion like in a backslider's life. It has brought with him a more beautiful portrait of that glittering city but before handing it over this time, it asks her if she's willing to be more brave. 

The thought is now growing impatient as it growls "I only deal with stronger souls... are you one?"